Friday, January 25, 2008

Judge Me If You Wish

I am an individual. There is no one else out there in the universe like me, regardless of what other people seem to think. I've had some people bring up the topic of "cloning" and that if I were to be cloned, the clone would be my exact replica. Right down to the very same birth mark.
Do I believe that if I were to be cloned, that she would be my exact replica? Of course I don't. I believe that if in some freakish accident, or whatever, I got cloned - that she would develop a totally different personality from mine. Which right there, would set us apart completely in so many different ways.
So personality. That's the first thing I tell people when they bring up the topic of "cloning" in order to make my exact replica and then there would be two of me in the world. Maybe so, but she would also live a totally different life, which would make her into a totally different person than who I am today.
I am an individual and even if you tried to clone me, you still wouldn't have another me. For many reasons. Some people out there in the world have the same eye color, some similar beliefs - but nobody is exactly like me. That, can be a good thing - or a very bad thing.
I don't think that being the only "me" in the world is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it sets me apart from everyone else who exists in this world. If we were all the same, what kind of world would this be? We're different for a reason, and I'd like to remain different from the rest of the world. Regardless of similarities, I don't want to be somebody's duplicate. I was born different, I am going to remain different.
But the down side to be different from the rest of the world is that it causes people to judge me in very harsh manners, and sometimes I don't have the heart or the strength to take it. Other times people dislike me, and before, if you'd tell me you didn't like me - it would break my heart into a thousand pieces because I wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to impress everybody.
The biggest downside for me, to be different, is that people have even come to the point in trying to dictate my life. How I should live it. The choices that I should have chosen or should choose. Putting pressure on me, to try and get me to make the decision that they feel is right - but yet I'm the one who has to suffer the consequences of that decision in the end. Not them.
Authority is something I've got a problem with. People telling me how to live my life, I've got a problem with. I know that no matter where I go, no matter what I do, or who I try to be - someone out there is not going to like me. Somebody is going to disagree and make sure that I know that they disagree.
People have made sure that I know that they disagree for many years with the life I've chosen to lead. Two ways people have gone about doing this: 1. doing it in a respectful way, where I can respect their opinion and them and 2. doing it in a very disrespectful way, that it makes me wonder how somebody could "back up" someone like that. Who can be so cruel, and rude over something that they don't have control over. It's like those people are making the statement that "cruelty to others and showing others disrespect that you don't even know is okay" and it disgusts me.
Everyone is different, right? I'm different from you and you're different from me. He's different from her and she's different from him. His mother is different than her mother, and those twins are different from these twins. Nobody is alike. So, why should we all conform to what others want? Do these people show that cruelty, and basically support the above statement just to make others conform to what they want?
We wonder why there is so much hate in this world, and I believe that part of it is because we're so wrapped up in ourselves that we cannot help but judge and try to dictate what is right and what is wrong for everybody else. I might think something is wrong, or I might believe in something that someone else might think is right or not believe in.
A perfect example is that I don't believe that there are bad people, regardless of what they've done in their lives. Yes, people do bad things - sometimes very bad things - and it hurts thousands and thousands of people, or even just one single person - but I do not believe that there are bad people. It' my own opinion, and my own choice to believe that - but I've had many people attack me over it.
It's my own opinion, just like my personality is my own. I am my own person. Two other people, who were their own selves, created me - and I've become my own person with the guidance, love, and even hate of those who've come through my life. I've been judged as I am, for being who I am as a person - just like everyone else in the world, but who are we to judge one another?
Where do we get off judging one another, when we do not hear, smell, see, taste, touch, feel, think, react, learn, or make mistakes like anyone else? We could hear the same person speaking, but we all might take it differently.
Just like making decisions in our lives. Who are we to say what is right and wrong, or what exists and what doesn't - when through out our own lives, we cannot dictate for ourselves what is right and wrong? When sometimes even our belief in something begins to faulter? It we do not experience what others do, how can we dictate what is right, wrong, or the best decision when we are not them and when we've never been in that situation? We could think of it as if we were in that situation, but it is not the same as being in the situation ourselves.
I live my life the best that I know how to, just as most people do. I'm damn proud of the fact that I'm able to wake up every morning, and smile because I know that I'm loved for who I am - exactly as I am.
I've experienced a lot in my life, that I never thought I would experience. I'm judged on every action I take, and I've come to realize that I am who I am - and I would much rather have someone hate me for who I am than love me for who I'm not. I'm true to myself, and that is all that matters - because I know in the end - I've got those who love me for who I am; inside and out.
I always wondered, why should we conform to what others want, and let them dictate how we should do things; how we should live - if they are not the one who has to deal with the consequences of the choices that we decide to make? I don't make decisions to make everyone else happy anymore, because they're not the ones who have to live with themselves after making those decisions.
To say "live for yourself" is to make it as if nobody else in this world matters. But that's not how it's meant when I say it. For me, it means to live how you see fit. Make decisions that are best for you, and those you care about. Don't make a decision because somebody half way around the world, or even in the next state or province said that they think it's wrong and try to tear you down a notch.
I am an individual. Go head, judge me. Do your worst. You know you will whether I say to or not. I just don't care anymore, because I know if you judge me, you don't respect me, and why should I respect that?